High times.

The whole of this past year almost seemed like a dream. Never have I thought that my life would change for the better overall within the span of a few years.

I have a nice job which I like, and I can see a future for myself in. Hoping to become a store manager by the time I'm 30, or at least a supervisor. I started off in retail, and it is in retail that i have found my calling. I CANNOT now imagine having to sit through 9 hours in an office banging away at the keyboard, and having diplomatic rows with colleagues. Been through all that trash!

I am far from being a good person. In fact I can't bear to look back into the past. All the wrong choices I made... I embrace them, and I am willing to accept their consequences.

I guess, in not trying to run away anymore, I have resolved within me to accept who I am, and the courage to accept responsibility for my life's choices. I have also steeled myself for the task ahead, to build a career and a family. I also want to help other people choose wisely, as if in defiance of my past.

It may be that in every person I can see a reflection of myself at some point in life. How might I have chosen, should I be in his shoes again? It's tough seeing the world through these eyes, and even tougher convincing others to take the correct path, as if there is only one correct path and not many forks in the road which lead to ten other different places.

I couldn't help myself then, but I'll try to help other people now, to make tshuva for my own sins.

Reading back my old posts I can't imagine the disparity in my quality of life within such a short span. I make more than twice what I used to earn now, and have more abundance than I can ever be thankful for. I'm so grateful to my company for giving me a chance to flower and bear fruit. I'm so thankful for a lovely and wonderful girlfriend who is soon to be my wife, and whom I deeply love. I am so thankful for G-d who gives me strength for tenacity (though I can only hope to have a stronger character, to always do the right thing). I thank G-d also for putting friends and thank Him even more for putting enemies in my life, to teach me and to train me more than friends ever could.

I can't undo the choices I made, but I can repent from them. Geulah may not be too far away after all.