You always struggle about something. Doesn't matter if it's about work, love, family. Life is full of struggles. I'm about to let you in on one of my greatest struggles in life - recognition. (or lack thereof)
I was never good enough to be recognised for my work, but even when i DO feel adequate, recognition bypasses me.
My last post was about stepping aside. I've never reconciled myself to it. I have doubts about myself. Am I ready for this or not? I have so many shortcomings that I don't think I can progress, or should.
Confidence. Competence. Commitment. I am competent, committed, but my confidence has suffered many blows that I feel I should not even think I deserve a promotion.
When you have rivals, they help reveal your weaknesses. Especially if they're better in certain areas. I need to work on those areas, but I fear time may not be in my favour.
If it comes to that (being passed over) I shall perform as I am, but I'm gonna feel like a loser.
How am I to deal with that?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Not ready.
Like Spock in the latest Star Trek movie. As soon as I felt I am not adequate to assume a leadership role, I should have stepped down.
My attitude towards my colleagues leaves much to be desired. I should watch how I frame my words when confronting someone about an issue, any issue. I should be more gentle.
Yet time and again I start off 'discussions' on a wrong footing, and it devolves into an argument.
Fact is, the team don't respect me as someone they could look up to. They just feel 'comfortable' working with me, and that I am really capable in the showroom. As far as getting people to look up to me, I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready.
Would I rather let some junior take on a leadership role instead of I?
Maybe. But it would be done so grudgingly since none of my juniors in the shop take more ownership of this place than me.
I got to buy another copy of 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. I threw my old copy away along with the roach-infested box the other time.
I never finished the book.
So if I wanna stay in the game, I gotta brush up my act and be nicer, even when telling people off.
Tough.
My attitude towards my colleagues leaves much to be desired. I should watch how I frame my words when confronting someone about an issue, any issue. I should be more gentle.
Yet time and again I start off 'discussions' on a wrong footing, and it devolves into an argument.
Fact is, the team don't respect me as someone they could look up to. They just feel 'comfortable' working with me, and that I am really capable in the showroom. As far as getting people to look up to me, I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready.
Would I rather let some junior take on a leadership role instead of I?
Maybe. But it would be done so grudgingly since none of my juniors in the shop take more ownership of this place than me.
I got to buy another copy of 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. I threw my old copy away along with the roach-infested box the other time.
I never finished the book.
So if I wanna stay in the game, I gotta brush up my act and be nicer, even when telling people off.
Tough.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I'm going the extra mile...
and getting stuck in my showroom from 9pm till 6am in the morning. I'm hoping the first phase of aircon refurbishing works will be completed sooner so I can go home and plomp myself into bed. It's now 12.14am and I'm feeling quite drowsy already. Good thing I'm able to volunteer myself for this the night before my off day.
Well I was off today as well. Had a nice long chat with my mum earlier. Missed her dearly. Doctor has been prescribing her some medication for her high blood pressure. A range of side effects began to occur, like swelling of her feet and ankles, and sudden weight gain. I went through all the meds and searched for their side effects on the net. True enough, these were side effects of the meds she's been taking. They were essential for maintaining a lower blood pressure though. I noted their side effects on her medicine packs just to keep her aware of what they could do.
Her bicycle got stolen as well. Gave her $50 to offset the cost of a new one. She would have felt greater agony had not the bike been given to her for free.
Had a chat with my baby girl in Facetime earlier. Miss her sorely. (I'm sorry baby I have to be here and not at home cuddling you to sleep.) How wonderful, being able to communicate face to face like this. I remember how in the early 1990s people in drama serials were superimposing cropped images on watches and cellphones, making it seem like a video call when it's NOT. Now, more than a decade later, it's become reality...
I'm really blogging now because I'm bored.
Welyn broke friendship with me again. I'm not alright with it. In fact I'm quite pissed she chose to walk away from our issue like that. Let's just hope it's just another one of those 'phases' when we don't keep in touch and cool off our heads. There has been multiple phases like this in the course of our 19-year friendship. But this time, she chose to walk away, not me.
Israel chose to free 1027 prisoners for Gilad Shalit. This sucks.
Girlfriend's mum: So when is your big day?
Girlfriend: What?
GM: Your engagement lor.
GF: We're thinking, we may want it somewhere next June. (2012)
GM: AIya, why so early? Never give me enough time to slim down.
Me: Rolls Eyes Dramatically.
Signing off. ;)
Well I was off today as well. Had a nice long chat with my mum earlier. Missed her dearly. Doctor has been prescribing her some medication for her high blood pressure. A range of side effects began to occur, like swelling of her feet and ankles, and sudden weight gain. I went through all the meds and searched for their side effects on the net. True enough, these were side effects of the meds she's been taking. They were essential for maintaining a lower blood pressure though. I noted their side effects on her medicine packs just to keep her aware of what they could do.
Her bicycle got stolen as well. Gave her $50 to offset the cost of a new one. She would have felt greater agony had not the bike been given to her for free.
Had a chat with my baby girl in Facetime earlier. Miss her sorely. (I'm sorry baby I have to be here and not at home cuddling you to sleep.) How wonderful, being able to communicate face to face like this. I remember how in the early 1990s people in drama serials were superimposing cropped images on watches and cellphones, making it seem like a video call when it's NOT. Now, more than a decade later, it's become reality...
I'm really blogging now because I'm bored.
Welyn broke friendship with me again. I'm not alright with it. In fact I'm quite pissed she chose to walk away from our issue like that. Let's just hope it's just another one of those 'phases' when we don't keep in touch and cool off our heads. There has been multiple phases like this in the course of our 19-year friendship. But this time, she chose to walk away, not me.
Israel chose to free 1027 prisoners for Gilad Shalit. This sucks.
Girlfriend's mum: So when is your big day?
Girlfriend: What?
GM: Your engagement lor.
GF: We're thinking, we may want it somewhere next June. (2012)
GM: AIya, why so early? Never give me enough time to slim down.
Me: Rolls Eyes Dramatically.
Signing off. ;)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Confidence?
The last time I posted, it was about enemies. This time it's about forgetting past wrongs.
One thing I love about this sales team is that everyone approaches conflict and dispute in a rational manner, and no one holds on to his baggage of grudges.
Like any other family, It is entirely normal for members to have disputes. But how its resolved here is unlike any other sales team I've been a part of.
A great honor to be working where I'm at.
Still working to move up the ladder. But recently, doubt began to creep in my heart as to whether the higher uppers still consider me capable enough.
If they don't and they choose someone else instead, I shall remain relevant and perform as I am. I shall still be major contributor to the running of this place, and I shall earn back confidence from my superiors. I shall still be me.
At least I was even considered for promotion, which is a major step in the right direction.
I love working in this company. Anywhere else will be a shortchange. The people are great, the salary is good for someone of my qualifications, and there are ample opportunities for self-improvement.
Unless they fire me first, I will never leave.
Signing off.
One thing I love about this sales team is that everyone approaches conflict and dispute in a rational manner, and no one holds on to his baggage of grudges.
Like any other family, It is entirely normal for members to have disputes. But how its resolved here is unlike any other sales team I've been a part of.
A great honor to be working where I'm at.
Still working to move up the ladder. But recently, doubt began to creep in my heart as to whether the higher uppers still consider me capable enough.
If they don't and they choose someone else instead, I shall remain relevant and perform as I am. I shall still be major contributor to the running of this place, and I shall earn back confidence from my superiors. I shall still be me.
At least I was even considered for promotion, which is a major step in the right direction.
I love working in this company. Anywhere else will be a shortchange. The people are great, the salary is good for someone of my qualifications, and there are ample opportunities for self-improvement.
Unless they fire me first, I will never leave.
Signing off.
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