You always struggle about something. Doesn't matter if it's about work, love, family. Life is full of struggles. I'm about to let you in on one of my greatest struggles in life - recognition. (or lack thereof)
I was never good enough to be recognised for my work, but even when i DO feel adequate, recognition bypasses me.
My last post was about stepping aside. I've never reconciled myself to it. I have doubts about myself. Am I ready for this or not? I have so many shortcomings that I don't think I can progress, or should.
Confidence. Competence. Commitment. I am competent, committed, but my confidence has suffered many blows that I feel I should not even think I deserve a promotion.
When you have rivals, they help reveal your weaknesses. Especially if they're better in certain areas. I need to work on those areas, but I fear time may not be in my favour.
If it comes to that (being passed over) I shall perform as I am, but I'm gonna feel like a loser.
How am I to deal with that?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Not ready.
Like Spock in the latest Star Trek movie. As soon as I felt I am not adequate to assume a leadership role, I should have stepped down.
My attitude towards my colleagues leaves much to be desired. I should watch how I frame my words when confronting someone about an issue, any issue. I should be more gentle.
Yet time and again I start off 'discussions' on a wrong footing, and it devolves into an argument.
Fact is, the team don't respect me as someone they could look up to. They just feel 'comfortable' working with me, and that I am really capable in the showroom. As far as getting people to look up to me, I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready.
Would I rather let some junior take on a leadership role instead of I?
Maybe. But it would be done so grudgingly since none of my juniors in the shop take more ownership of this place than me.
I got to buy another copy of 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. I threw my old copy away along with the roach-infested box the other time.
I never finished the book.
So if I wanna stay in the game, I gotta brush up my act and be nicer, even when telling people off.
Tough.
My attitude towards my colleagues leaves much to be desired. I should watch how I frame my words when confronting someone about an issue, any issue. I should be more gentle.
Yet time and again I start off 'discussions' on a wrong footing, and it devolves into an argument.
Fact is, the team don't respect me as someone they could look up to. They just feel 'comfortable' working with me, and that I am really capable in the showroom. As far as getting people to look up to me, I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready.
Would I rather let some junior take on a leadership role instead of I?
Maybe. But it would be done so grudgingly since none of my juniors in the shop take more ownership of this place than me.
I got to buy another copy of 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. I threw my old copy away along with the roach-infested box the other time.
I never finished the book.
So if I wanna stay in the game, I gotta brush up my act and be nicer, even when telling people off.
Tough.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I'm going the extra mile...
and getting stuck in my showroom from 9pm till 6am in the morning. I'm hoping the first phase of aircon refurbishing works will be completed sooner so I can go home and plomp myself into bed. It's now 12.14am and I'm feeling quite drowsy already. Good thing I'm able to volunteer myself for this the night before my off day.
Well I was off today as well. Had a nice long chat with my mum earlier. Missed her dearly. Doctor has been prescribing her some medication for her high blood pressure. A range of side effects began to occur, like swelling of her feet and ankles, and sudden weight gain. I went through all the meds and searched for their side effects on the net. True enough, these were side effects of the meds she's been taking. They were essential for maintaining a lower blood pressure though. I noted their side effects on her medicine packs just to keep her aware of what they could do.
Her bicycle got stolen as well. Gave her $50 to offset the cost of a new one. She would have felt greater agony had not the bike been given to her for free.
Had a chat with my baby girl in Facetime earlier. Miss her sorely. (I'm sorry baby I have to be here and not at home cuddling you to sleep.) How wonderful, being able to communicate face to face like this. I remember how in the early 1990s people in drama serials were superimposing cropped images on watches and cellphones, making it seem like a video call when it's NOT. Now, more than a decade later, it's become reality...
I'm really blogging now because I'm bored.
Welyn broke friendship with me again. I'm not alright with it. In fact I'm quite pissed she chose to walk away from our issue like that. Let's just hope it's just another one of those 'phases' when we don't keep in touch and cool off our heads. There has been multiple phases like this in the course of our 19-year friendship. But this time, she chose to walk away, not me.
Israel chose to free 1027 prisoners for Gilad Shalit. This sucks.
Girlfriend's mum: So when is your big day?
Girlfriend: What?
GM: Your engagement lor.
GF: We're thinking, we may want it somewhere next June. (2012)
GM: AIya, why so early? Never give me enough time to slim down.
Me: Rolls Eyes Dramatically.
Signing off. ;)
Well I was off today as well. Had a nice long chat with my mum earlier. Missed her dearly. Doctor has been prescribing her some medication for her high blood pressure. A range of side effects began to occur, like swelling of her feet and ankles, and sudden weight gain. I went through all the meds and searched for their side effects on the net. True enough, these were side effects of the meds she's been taking. They were essential for maintaining a lower blood pressure though. I noted their side effects on her medicine packs just to keep her aware of what they could do.
Her bicycle got stolen as well. Gave her $50 to offset the cost of a new one. She would have felt greater agony had not the bike been given to her for free.
Had a chat with my baby girl in Facetime earlier. Miss her sorely. (I'm sorry baby I have to be here and not at home cuddling you to sleep.) How wonderful, being able to communicate face to face like this. I remember how in the early 1990s people in drama serials were superimposing cropped images on watches and cellphones, making it seem like a video call when it's NOT. Now, more than a decade later, it's become reality...
I'm really blogging now because I'm bored.
Welyn broke friendship with me again. I'm not alright with it. In fact I'm quite pissed she chose to walk away from our issue like that. Let's just hope it's just another one of those 'phases' when we don't keep in touch and cool off our heads. There has been multiple phases like this in the course of our 19-year friendship. But this time, she chose to walk away, not me.
Israel chose to free 1027 prisoners for Gilad Shalit. This sucks.
Girlfriend's mum: So when is your big day?
Girlfriend: What?
GM: Your engagement lor.
GF: We're thinking, we may want it somewhere next June. (2012)
GM: AIya, why so early? Never give me enough time to slim down.
Me: Rolls Eyes Dramatically.
Signing off. ;)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Confidence?
The last time I posted, it was about enemies. This time it's about forgetting past wrongs.
One thing I love about this sales team is that everyone approaches conflict and dispute in a rational manner, and no one holds on to his baggage of grudges.
Like any other family, It is entirely normal for members to have disputes. But how its resolved here is unlike any other sales team I've been a part of.
A great honor to be working where I'm at.
Still working to move up the ladder. But recently, doubt began to creep in my heart as to whether the higher uppers still consider me capable enough.
If they don't and they choose someone else instead, I shall remain relevant and perform as I am. I shall still be major contributor to the running of this place, and I shall earn back confidence from my superiors. I shall still be me.
At least I was even considered for promotion, which is a major step in the right direction.
I love working in this company. Anywhere else will be a shortchange. The people are great, the salary is good for someone of my qualifications, and there are ample opportunities for self-improvement.
Unless they fire me first, I will never leave.
Signing off.
One thing I love about this sales team is that everyone approaches conflict and dispute in a rational manner, and no one holds on to his baggage of grudges.
Like any other family, It is entirely normal for members to have disputes. But how its resolved here is unlike any other sales team I've been a part of.
A great honor to be working where I'm at.
Still working to move up the ladder. But recently, doubt began to creep in my heart as to whether the higher uppers still consider me capable enough.
If they don't and they choose someone else instead, I shall remain relevant and perform as I am. I shall still be major contributor to the running of this place, and I shall earn back confidence from my superiors. I shall still be me.
At least I was even considered for promotion, which is a major step in the right direction.
I love working in this company. Anywhere else will be a shortchange. The people are great, the salary is good for someone of my qualifications, and there are ample opportunities for self-improvement.
Unless they fire me first, I will never leave.
Signing off.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Career in stasis?
And enemies I get aplenty.
Reading my last entry from 3 months ago, how I thanked G-d for enemies, I marvel how it's developed in that direction since.
In lieu of my positive work performance, I was selected as one of the potential candidates for Team Leadership, among other people. That was made known to me 2 weeks ago. Now, the jostling begins in full swing.
I do have supporters, among them, one of my Team Leader himself would like me to take over his position so he could move up. Very encouraging - save for the fact that others are building up their alliances as well.
Recently one of the potential TLs tried to bully me into submission. I retained the moral high ground by not returning violent words, but rather keeping calm and polite. When he said 'Are u challenging me?' I returned it (surprisingly) with an offer to have a chat with him over the phone or over coffee, which he backed away from. It was a tough position for him to be in. He thought I might either submit to his condescending tone, or return verbal assault, but I flanked him by doing what a mature adult would do. ;)
My rational response was surprising even for me. I can't imagine what a fiery, rash person like me would have done barely 2 years ago... Previous enemies certainly has taught me well. =)
But with equal certainly, I've made a new enemy. *chuckles*
I should continue working as usual, and slowly toil to gain the trust and respect of other colleagues first before I can be a good TL.
If I don't make TL, however, I shall be as before. Though the dynamics may have changed, who is to say I won't get the chance to make TL in future?
Logging out.
Reading my last entry from 3 months ago, how I thanked G-d for enemies, I marvel how it's developed in that direction since.
In lieu of my positive work performance, I was selected as one of the potential candidates for Team Leadership, among other people. That was made known to me 2 weeks ago. Now, the jostling begins in full swing.
I do have supporters, among them, one of my Team Leader himself would like me to take over his position so he could move up. Very encouraging - save for the fact that others are building up their alliances as well.
Recently one of the potential TLs tried to bully me into submission. I retained the moral high ground by not returning violent words, but rather keeping calm and polite. When he said 'Are u challenging me?' I returned it (surprisingly) with an offer to have a chat with him over the phone or over coffee, which he backed away from. It was a tough position for him to be in. He thought I might either submit to his condescending tone, or return verbal assault, but I flanked him by doing what a mature adult would do. ;)
My rational response was surprising even for me. I can't imagine what a fiery, rash person like me would have done barely 2 years ago... Previous enemies certainly has taught me well. =)
But with equal certainly, I've made a new enemy. *chuckles*
I should continue working as usual, and slowly toil to gain the trust and respect of other colleagues first before I can be a good TL.
If I don't make TL, however, I shall be as before. Though the dynamics may have changed, who is to say I won't get the chance to make TL in future?
Logging out.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
High times.
The whole of this past year almost seemed like a dream. Never have I thought that my life would change for the better overall within the span of a few years.
I have a nice job which I like, and I can see a future for myself in. Hoping to become a store manager by the time I'm 30, or at least a supervisor. I started off in retail, and it is in retail that i have found my calling. I CANNOT now imagine having to sit through 9 hours in an office banging away at the keyboard, and having diplomatic rows with colleagues. Been through all that trash!
I am far from being a good person. In fact I can't bear to look back into the past. All the wrong choices I made... I embrace them, and I am willing to accept their consequences.
I guess, in not trying to run away anymore, I have resolved within me to accept who I am, and the courage to accept responsibility for my life's choices. I have also steeled myself for the task ahead, to build a career and a family. I also want to help other people choose wisely, as if in defiance of my past.
It may be that in every person I can see a reflection of myself at some point in life. How might I have chosen, should I be in his shoes again? It's tough seeing the world through these eyes, and even tougher convincing others to take the correct path, as if there is only one correct path and not many forks in the road which lead to ten other different places.
I couldn't help myself then, but I'll try to help other people now, to make tshuva for my own sins.
Reading back my old posts I can't imagine the disparity in my quality of life within such a short span. I make more than twice what I used to earn now, and have more abundance than I can ever be thankful for. I'm so grateful to my company for giving me a chance to flower and bear fruit. I'm so thankful for a lovely and wonderful girlfriend who is soon to be my wife, and whom I deeply love. I am so thankful for G-d who gives me strength for tenacity (though I can only hope to have a stronger character, to always do the right thing). I thank G-d also for putting friends and thank Him even more for putting enemies in my life, to teach me and to train me more than friends ever could.
I can't undo the choices I made, but I can repent from them. Geulah may not be too far away after all.
I have a nice job which I like, and I can see a future for myself in. Hoping to become a store manager by the time I'm 30, or at least a supervisor. I started off in retail, and it is in retail that i have found my calling. I CANNOT now imagine having to sit through 9 hours in an office banging away at the keyboard, and having diplomatic rows with colleagues. Been through all that trash!
I am far from being a good person. In fact I can't bear to look back into the past. All the wrong choices I made... I embrace them, and I am willing to accept their consequences.
I guess, in not trying to run away anymore, I have resolved within me to accept who I am, and the courage to accept responsibility for my life's choices. I have also steeled myself for the task ahead, to build a career and a family. I also want to help other people choose wisely, as if in defiance of my past.
It may be that in every person I can see a reflection of myself at some point in life. How might I have chosen, should I be in his shoes again? It's tough seeing the world through these eyes, and even tougher convincing others to take the correct path, as if there is only one correct path and not many forks in the road which lead to ten other different places.
I couldn't help myself then, but I'll try to help other people now, to make tshuva for my own sins.
Reading back my old posts I can't imagine the disparity in my quality of life within such a short span. I make more than twice what I used to earn now, and have more abundance than I can ever be thankful for. I'm so grateful to my company for giving me a chance to flower and bear fruit. I'm so thankful for a lovely and wonderful girlfriend who is soon to be my wife, and whom I deeply love. I am so thankful for G-d who gives me strength for tenacity (though I can only hope to have a stronger character, to always do the right thing). I thank G-d also for putting friends and thank Him even more for putting enemies in my life, to teach me and to train me more than friends ever could.
I can't undo the choices I made, but I can repent from them. Geulah may not be too far away after all.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Super busy today but they're not a buying crowd! Can't believe that despite the effort made none of us sold a sound system!! >.<
Anyways, 2 days more and i'll be on my way to Japan. A 7-hr flight with a transit to Osaka. It is almost freezing temperatures over there. It will be my first time experiencing this and honestly, I don't know if the clothes i'm bringing will keep me warm enough! :S
Really looking forward to it though! Fulfilling a lifelong dream to visit the birthplace of anime!
Decided to use this holiday to really reflect on my life's direction this year, and how I can contribute more to my company.
Anyways, 2 days more and i'll be on my way to Japan. A 7-hr flight with a transit to Osaka. It is almost freezing temperatures over there. It will be my first time experiencing this and honestly, I don't know if the clothes i'm bringing will keep me warm enough! :S
Really looking forward to it though! Fulfilling a lifelong dream to visit the birthplace of anime!
Decided to use this holiday to really reflect on my life's direction this year, and how I can contribute more to my company.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Have not posted in almost a year! A quick follow up from the last entry. I never got around to saving money, instead, my expenses hovered around the 800-900 dollars mark. Starting to be a little easier with my money since my career is more stable now. I'm not earning any more than the past months. Just hoping for that increment to come soon. God willing may it come!
Alot has passed in this one year. Highlights:
- Passed my IPPT last june at the first attempt!
- Bought my first game console in 10 years, a PS3!
- Got put in charge of more responsibilities at work.
- Got my iPhone. (Probably my best buy this year)
- Relationship with GF stays strong and stable.
- Got down to buying our first flat.
- Soon to fulfil one of my adolescent dreams, Holidaying in Japan!
I havent made a list of goals for 2011 but it's not likely i'll make such a list unless I can sort out and prioritize my goals. At the moment the aspirations I have on my mind is:
- To be one of top sellers of the Bose Videowave and Loewe TVs.
- To be entrusted with more responsibilities.
- To be more capable and passionate for my work!
Let's all strive harder for a better life!
Alot has passed in this one year. Highlights:
- Passed my IPPT last june at the first attempt!
- Bought my first game console in 10 years, a PS3!
- Got put in charge of more responsibilities at work.
- Got my iPhone. (Probably my best buy this year)
- Relationship with GF stays strong and stable.
- Got down to buying our first flat.
- Soon to fulfil one of my adolescent dreams, Holidaying in Japan!
I havent made a list of goals for 2011 but it's not likely i'll make such a list unless I can sort out and prioritize my goals. At the moment the aspirations I have on my mind is:
- To be one of top sellers of the Bose Videowave and Loewe TVs.
- To be entrusted with more responsibilities.
- To be more capable and passionate for my work!
Let's all strive harder for a better life!
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